I see what you did there.

I remember about 6 months ago I was helping my girlfriend move into her dorm room.  She was feeling depressed that she would be stuck there for a semester with all these bacon-colored-upward-inflection-speaking "white" girls.  I felt her pain, too.  You know the types--Bleached blonde hair, beef jerky tan, running shoes and shorts that might as well be panties they're so short to give the illusion that they are fit but all they really do is overeat and take the elevator everywhere. The only reason we were about to take the elevator is because we had a whole lot of luggage.

  So anyway, I like watching people.  It's my hobby and it's free (which is good news because I'm broke).  The way people behave in public is so bizarre to someone like me.  This story is about one of these Slim Jim girls who lied about something that doesn't even matter. So, me and my wonderful girlfriend are waiting by the elevator.  It fills up to capacity and we wait because we know we can't fit on it.  The door shuts and just as it shuts this girl runs up and presses the up button, causing the already full elevator to open.  The elevator passengers were mildly confused that they hadn't gone anywhere, and started looking accusingly at the girl who pressed the button.  She blushed and said "I didn't press it."   What the hell?  You're going to deny responsibility for pressing a button just so you don't get the evil eye?  I think not.  I said,"Yes, you did!"  My girlfriend shushed me, but I wasn't going to take responsibility for that girl's impatience.  Take the stairs, lazy ass.  You have gym clothes on after all.

Trite Gingery Goodness

I recently heard an ad on the radio for Seagram's ginger ale.  I despise it.  Not the ginger ale, I've never tried that...but the ad.  It starts off by saying this woman never imagined having kids but now she freakin loves being a mother of twins.  She apparently works part time at some dead-end job and "overtime as a mommy" *pukes on keyboard*.

  Then it goes on to mention that the husband is looking after the kids and she's having a good ol' Seagram's in the tub trying to relax, and the husband is busy looking at internet porn and so the twins want to get in the tub with her and she's all "Oh ya found me, I love you guys" and apparently the Seagram's ginger ale makes having her body mutilated and her life force sucked away worth it.

   I don't know about you, but if I had to work part time and be a mostly-stay-at-home mother, I'd be pretty annoyed that the one bath I get to have to myself is interrupted by my stupid kids, I wouldn't be glad to have two little boys get into the tub naked with my already naked woman self.  I ain't Michael Jackson, and that's creepy.

     Why is it that people think naked children are cute?  I think it's horrifying.  Like watching the larval stage of something walking around all slimy and shit.  That's not cute....but the ginger ale does sound nice...

    

Mysterious Malady

Now I'm not a doctor(yet), but I do know a few things about diagnosing certain ailments.  I love to watch Mystery Diagnosis because I can usually guess what the patient has before the big reveal.  Sometimes it's nothing out of the ordinary, but some other illness masks it, other times it's just really rare, and every now and then it's just doctor incompetence that causes an illness to go unnoticed. 
  
    For example, this one baby had been born with open hands rather than curled fists.  It had hip dysplasia, concave sternum, and it doctors were all "Hmm, that's odd.  Oh well, I have to go be a sexy doctor that makes out with the nurses."  When the kid got older, he also had abnormally long fingers, was much taller than other children, and had a stretched face(you know, like John "Why the Long Face" Kerry).  I could've told them right then that the kid had Marfan Syndrome, but it still took a couple of years after that to come up with a diagnosis.
 
     I hope to be an excellent nurse and catch on to the minor symptoms that could belong to either a harmless illness or even the rarest of conditions.  But I'm just paranoid that one of my patients would end up having the rare illness and so I'm prepared.  O_o

Insert Fanfare *Here*.

It is with great pleasure that I announce the grand opening of my new blog.   While I'm sure you came seeking lobster-related information, I regret to inform you that lobsters will most likely not be involved.  This will be a random collection of stories and musings that may or may not interest you, but I hope you enjoy yourself.