I see what you did there.

I remember about 6 months ago I was helping my girlfriend move into her dorm room.  She was feeling depressed that she would be stuck there for a semester with all these bacon-colored-upward-inflection-speaking "white" girls.  I felt her pain, too.  You know the types--Bleached blonde hair, beef jerky tan, running shoes and shorts that might as well be panties they're so short to give the illusion that they are fit but all they really do is overeat and take the elevator everywhere. The only reason we were about to take the elevator is because we had a whole lot of luggage.

  So anyway, I like watching people.  It's my hobby and it's free (which is good news because I'm broke).  The way people behave in public is so bizarre to someone like me.  This story is about one of these Slim Jim girls who lied about something that doesn't even matter. So, me and my wonderful girlfriend are waiting by the elevator.  It fills up to capacity and we wait because we know we can't fit on it.  The door shuts and just as it shuts this girl runs up and presses the up button, causing the already full elevator to open.  The elevator passengers were mildly confused that they hadn't gone anywhere, and started looking accusingly at the girl who pressed the button.  She blushed and said "I didn't press it."   What the hell?  You're going to deny responsibility for pressing a button just so you don't get the evil eye?  I think not.  I said,"Yes, you did!"  My girlfriend shushed me, but I wasn't going to take responsibility for that girl's impatience.  Take the stairs, lazy ass.  You have gym clothes on after all.