Southern Hospitality

  Living in the southern U.S., I often get stereotyped for being dumb, drunken, and poor (and for some reason, most people believe southerners don't have shoes...), but there's at least one thing I do like about my community: If someone invites you to a party or to your house, they make damn sure you have a good time.

  I went to a crawfish boil at my neighbor's house for their daughter's twenty-hrmmrmrm birthday, and grabbed a plate of crawfish.  I was asked at least 5 times if I was satisfied with the food and that I was comfortable and so on.  It made me feel very welcome, of course, but after the 6th time, I was saying "Yes, it's very delicious."  While I was actually thinking Yes, it's fuckin tasty as hell, why would I shovel crappy food into my mouth?  Perhaps they want to make sure I'm not just being polite, which is like a code of honor around here.  I wanted to get a second plate but I didn't want to impose or seem greedy, because even though most people have decent manners, I'm perhaps too mannerly and reserved.  I tentatively reached over to get another plate when Junior, the head of the household and posterboy for rednecks, urged me on.  "Go 'head n' git some them damn crawfish! Whya using ya hands?  Here, take this plate n' scoop it up like that.  Hell yeah, now ya cookin' with the gas on," said he.  While I do understand what he said just fine, I have this internal translator that kicks on when I talk to my people.  The translated version of what he said to me was, "Don't be timid, I certainly don't mind you taking your fill of our delicious food, and might I suggest you use this empty plate as a scooping device?  It's far more efficient than using your hands to get the boiled crustaceans onto your dish.  That's the ticket, old boy."  Perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm sure you understand my version a bit better.

  The gist of the story is that while I don't necessarily blend in with the other people in my neighborhood, and I certainly don't love everything about the south,  I still do appreciate having a neighbor that I can trust and enjoy, and that will always welcome me like family.........It wouldn't hurt for some of you to drop the prejudices about southern people, either.  One woman at the party wasn't wearing shoes..but she was eating, then she had to leave and she put on some damn shoes, so take that.